rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize