3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
