So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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