Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
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Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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