No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
why is half of my head shaved?
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