Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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