"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
