You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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