oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
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The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
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He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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