Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
