i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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