so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
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I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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