I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
