3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
