Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
