I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
