i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
