Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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