My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
