Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
