My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
