I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
