When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
