how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
