I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
