Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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