Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
