Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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