I cockslap morals
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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