we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
