He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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