you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
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You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
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30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.