I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today