Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
it hurts more in the daytime
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
It was confusing and full of hummus
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear