thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
