I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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