i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.