you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo