Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?