Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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