Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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