Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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