Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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