So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
