This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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