She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
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This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
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There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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