Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
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stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
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im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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