My friends, they love my intelligence
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
