please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
