ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
