paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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