ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
