I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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