Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
