I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
