im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
