so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
