The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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