Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
