Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
