I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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